If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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