OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
home. puking in laundry basket.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
