chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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