Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
