No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
