dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
