come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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