He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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