just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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