The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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