but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
