i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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