Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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