Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
