you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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