Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
