Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
