Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you never un-have a 4some
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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