At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
