i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
