mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
honey bunches of taint.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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