One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
