I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
