dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
