Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
