I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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