I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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