remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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