Why are handjobs necessary in class?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
