She said her name was "party"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
