I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
