uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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