I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
