My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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