you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to get me chipped asap
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
