I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
