so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Enjoy the penises
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
