So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
