I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
