I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm passing your future prison.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
did i just pee glitter
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
