walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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