I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
