dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
