dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
