I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
