16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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