Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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