I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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