You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
