your parents love me but you hate me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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