Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
