You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
