i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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